Book Review
Title: Drowning In Light
Author: Anna Benoit
Genre: Mental Illness/Substance Abuse/Romance
Rating: ****
Review: In this novel, we are following Matt Davidson, a star athlete from a good family. Matt is having a really tough time as he hasn’t been sleeping affecting both his academic and football performance leading to his father shouting at him and even hitting him a few times. Matt’s life seems to be on the downward spiral until he meets Amy and there is something about her that draws him in, however, this doesn’t change his home life. To humiliate him further his father signs him up for ballet and Matt is totally against it but doesn’t have a choice but it seems it may work out for the best because the mysterious Amy is also there. All we know about Amy so far is that she is an artist and is dating an older man named Mike. It is plain to see that Matt’s father is emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive towards his wife and son, but Matt finds temporary release when he gets high for the first time.
As we approach the ¼ mark in the novel, Matt is depressed that is clear, and when he starts taking prescription pills for his parent’s bathroom, he feels like he has found a sort of outlet for his frustration. However, when he tells a teacher that he can’t supply the drugs he has supposedly been taking they almost call his parents, but the depression card saves his behind. As Matt starts to get high, he knows he has to space out his highs as it is easy to get addicted but he doesn’t seem to realise the addict’s mindset has already begun. In the meantime, he does try to reconcile with his long-time friend Ben and even looks at getting a job even though he knows his dad won’t approve. It isn’t long before Matt needs the pills even though he is in denial and people are starting to notice the change in his behaviour although they don’t know it’s drugs. Matt is also struggling with his attraction to Amy especially since she is with Mike and he can’t control his mouth or his emotions around her.
As we cross the ¼ mark in the novel, Matt seems to be making some progress with Amy, but he is hooked on pills now even taking cold medication when he can’t get to his mom’s. However, I get the feeling that the guy he works with, Kyle, is a drug dealer and that Matt might be buying from him soon despite warnings to stay away from him. As Matt’s addiction is beginning to grow more and more people are starting to note the changes in his attitude. His dad’s attitude is just as bad when the school suggests that Matt gets some help for his depression, but we do get some insight into his dad’s past. Matt’s habit is beginning to take over his life although he maintains that he is in control, he is starting to outsource his highs from people he knows and even lies about the amount he is taking so that he doesn’t seem like an addict.
As we approach the halfway mark in the novel, Matt ends up getting his fix for Kyle and they form a friendship based on dependence, but it turns out that he knows Amy as well. Kyle seems to be the type of guy that deals for the money rather than necessity and Matt just happens to be the type of sucker he can take advantage of especially since his dependence is so strong that he can’t even go a day without getting high now. As Matt has been taking the pill for nearly a year now, he knows he is dependent despite trying to quit a few times. He has also gotten very close to Kyle which isn’t a good thing as he feeds Matt’s habit and even makes him very uncomfortable offers that Matt finds himself considering. However, I did like Matt and Kyle’s bonding over their parent issues giving some insight into how they feel into the lifestyle they have.
As we cross into the second half of the novel, Matt’s addiction is eventually found out and, in the aftermath, Matt falls apart. In the process of putting himself back together he closes himself off from the world, but Amy manages to get him to talk to her but not even she is seeming to make any difference to Matt’s dark and dire thoughts. Matt doesn’t take his anti-depressants and doesn’t seem to be coping at all and once or twice he even finds himself back at Kyle’s although luckily Kyle isn’t home at the time. Matt and Amy’s friendship also seems to have the potential to develop into a relationship, but neither can really make the leap but when Matt finds out about the nature of Kyle and Amy’s relationship, he is angry and hurt but there seems to be more to the story here.
As we approach the ¾ mark in the novel, Matt is struggling with his need for the pills, his desire to be normal and his relationship with his father. For a while, his dad gets better, and it seems like things are really looking up for Matt until one-night Matt gets drunk and his father throws him out. Matt ends up crashing with Kyle because it is the only place where he won’t be asked questions and ends up getting high again and he is already falling back into his old routine. Matt does start taking drugs again but once he starts dating Amy, he makes a real effort to stay clean, but it isn’t as easy, and he makes it sound.
As we cross into the final section of the novel, Matt is completely out of control to the point where even Kyle is worried for him and despite Amy trying to get him help, Matt doesn’t want it. In light of everything that has gone on in this novel it really highlights the addict’s mentality and what they actually think about. In the end, though Matt isn’t better, he hasn’t been cured but he just might be at the beginning of recovery if he can find the will to be clean within himself. Overall, Drowning in Light was a really eye-opening experience and I feel if you like the book or movie of Requiem for a Dream then you are going to love Drowning in Light and I’d highly recommend picking it up.
Buy it here:
Paperback: amazon.co.uk amazon.com
Kindle Edition: amazon.co.uk amazon.com
Also see: Requiem for a Dream by Hubert Selby Jr.
I received this review copy from NetGalley
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