Book Review
Title: Finding Me by Viola Davis
Genre: Memoir, Non-Fiction
Rating: 5 Stars
Finding Me is the memoir of Viola Davis, an actress I have grown up with from seeing her in The Help and How To Get Away With Murder and by god did she have a hard life. She opens the book by explaining how she realises through therapy that many of her issues stemmed from her childhood and cutting herself off from the person she has been, the person who survived. Looking at her childhood she was only a few generations away from slavery and was treated poorly. Her mother had issues with gambling and her father was an alcoholic but the lessons drummed into them in their own upbringing meant they stayed together even though it would have been better for them to split.
Despite this Viola loved both of her parents deeply and while her dad has died, her mother is still with her and shares stories to this day. These stories are sometimes heartbreaking like being made to watch her siblings, Viola’s aunts and uncles when she was still a baby herself and never being able to forgive herself for the death of her sister in a fire she had accidentally caused. However, some of these stories are wonderful as Viola recounts the tale of her birth and how it wasn’t tainted by unexpected surprises and could just be a happy and joyful moment for all involved. Viola talks about how her older sister Diane was her saving grace giving her something to aim for, the want to be something more than she currently was and that was what gave her the drive to do well.
This didn’t diminish the fact the family was so poor that they would often go unwashed and unfed because there was no money. Viola recounts one winter that was so cold that their pipes froze and they had no heat forcing them to walk to the next time on the slim chance that they could get assistance. This kind of existence was hell on Earth for Viola but she didn’t know arguing else and endured. Recounting the trauma of her childhood that haunts her to this day Viola finds the courage to discuss the sexual abuse she and her sisters faced. There were times when it was old men in the street and parties and at other times it was their own brother. These admissions were met by silence from her mother possibly aware of the abuse that was taking place alongside the abuse she and her husband would heap upon their children.
Despite this the sisters develop strong bonds of love and friendship which endure but it was Anita who would undergo the first major trauma outside their home. She was chased and hunted by a Vietnam veteran struggling with PTSD, but to her she was running for her life after witnessing the same man killing a stray cat and painting himself with its blood. This only serves to highlight the atmosphere of silence and shame that not only surrounded their family but the nation as a whole during her upbringing. By the time that Danielle is born almost 12 years after Viola, the family is struggling but no one around them asks the children about their homelife and their race plays a massive part in this. Viola immediately takes to the role of older sister and is extremely protective of Danielle but when she is sexually assaulted she realises that she can’t protect Danielle from life itself and this is crushing blow for her driving her harder than ever to escape this kind of life, especially with the escalating violence within their home.
By the time she entered college Viola was sure she wanted to be an actor no matter what it took because she wasn’t afraid of failing. In her mind there was nothing scarier than having to return home after being independent and making her own choices. However, there were times when she was confronted by her experiences growing up such as one time her mother and two sisters turned up at her dorm because her father had exploded again. Viola couldn’t let them stay because of the college rules but did take Danielle offering her a small reprieve. She worked several jobs throughout college but her talent was being too her recognised but she was still played by feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.
As we move through her life she discusses her acting education and her acceptance into Juilliard which was an exceptional achievement but she felt that they were trying to erase her identity as a black woman and needed something to break her out of this shell. Eventually she ends up on a trip to Africa where she finds not only her own heritage but the empowerment and confidence she has been searching for her entire life. After this trip she has the confidence to leave her seven year long relationship and gain insight on what she has done wrong including not seeing boundaries and expectations with David. She also signs with an agency before she graduates from Juilliard, another unusual move but she felt it was right for her as she felt the agents there saw her for who she was not what they could do for her.
Viola as she moves into her acting career talks about the nature of acting and show business which isn’t what everyone thinks it is. Only a tiny percentage Pod across male a lovable wage in America with only 0.04% making enough to qualified for plan 1 healthcare insurance which is insane. She also struggled with her decision to have an abortion before graduating which comes back to haunt her when she finally has her fibroids removed leaving her with a small window to get pregnant naturally before she is rendered infertile and doesn’t take it because there isn’t anyone significant in her life and people are beginning to question it. Eventually when she is beginning to truly break into the TV and film industry she decides that she has worked hard for decades and how wants to arrive at her destination, she wants home. Viola discusses meeting her future husband in Julius Tennon and How meeting him marked a change in her life from surviving to living.
We move through their dating, marriage and adoption of their daughter, Genesis in quick succession but Viola recounts it as a period in her life when many things were happening at the same time. However, with the god comes the bad and we watch her sister lose her partner and the father of their children and Viola loses her father close together. She also suffers her own health issues and the pressures of being the breadwinner for her entire family which is something she has struggled with since her first paid job. In the end Viola comes to terms with healing herself from her past, forgiving the people around her and herself as well as coming to terms with who she is as an actor and the power she wields to educate and influence others. Much like I’m Glad My Mom Died I think that Finding Me is a Manipur everyone should read and I highly recommend it.
Buy it here:
Paperback/Hardcover: amazon.co.uk amazon.com
Kindle Edition: amazon.co.uk amazon.com
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