Book Review
Title: I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
Genre: Memoir
Rating: 5 Stars
I picked up I’m Glad My Mom Died because it was making the rounds on TikTok and I remember watched iCarly as a child and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. From the very beginning we see that Jennette didn’t have a happy upbringing, she was raised in a Mormon household and after her mother’s first battle with cancer she became far more religious than she was before. Her mother also seems to have a personality disorder of some sort, maybe bipolar disorder and it shows. Jennette being the only girl of four children is treated differently and her mother pushes her into acting at a very young age even though Jennette doesn’t enjoy it. She continues with the acting gigs because it seems to make her mother happy as she is able to live out her dream of becoming an actress through Jennette but we can see she clearly doesn’t enjoy it even as a child.
There are also several issues in her parents marriage as her mother constantly believes her father is cheating when he is actually just working overtime because the family is quite poor. Jennette seems very close to her father but doesn’t see much of him between work and being kicked out frequently by her mother. Jennette’s closeness to her mother isn’t out of true affection as we see but rather Jennette knows how to please her mother better and control her moods. As times passes Jennette is taken to more and more auditions and gets more roles including a guest appearance on Malcom in the Middle which her mother is insanely happy about even if Jennette is not. Jennette seems to prefer her dance classes over her acting classes which gives a brief insight into where she might have been truly happy if her mother had allowed her to follow her own path rather than the one she created for her.
Jennette’s life for me seems heartbreaking even though she seems okay with it, the family don’t have much in the way of money and when Jennette’s grandfather brings up the fact she might have OCD and need professional help her mother is completely dismissive. Most likely, because she is aware of Jennette’s issues like she is aware of her own and yet stubbornly refuses to get any help or treatment for them. Jennette continues to land bigger and bigger roles on more notable shows like Law & Order and House but she is very uncomfortable with the process especially being asked to cry on command even though she does it well. Eventually she tells her mother that she doesn’t want to act anymore leading to a meltdown on her mother’s part so she immediately takes it back.
However, the relationship between mother and daughter is strange especially when her mother encourages the 12 year old Jennette to begin calorie restricting and brushes off all the concerns of anorexia from people around her. This eventually takes us to the moment where Jennette manages to land the role in iCarly that she would become best known for but the road to get here has been a hard one for her and that doesn’t seem like it is going to change any time soon.
We seemingly fly through Jennette’s teenage years but these are the years where she realised her immense dislike for acting and the growing resentment and anger towards her mother. Throughout these years, Jennette struggles with anorexia, bulimia and alcohol abuse and these were hard to read about especially knowing her mindset is wrong regarding her image and her struggles with food but she doesn’t see it as this way. What is the worst thing about these things is that Jennette’s mother is actively encouraging and enabling Jennette’s eating disorders and covers up her role in them when questioned about it by doctors or other mothers. During this Jennette genuinely believes that her mother has her best interests at heart and knows what is best for her and goes along with whatever she wants.
As Jennette progresses through her teenage years steeped in anger and resentment towards her mother and her career, we see that she is craving some freedom from her mother and she finally gets the chance to gain some freedom which is when her bulimia gets really bad. With the chance to get away from her mother for the first time, Jennette is beginning to discover herself even though it is years later than it should have been. Also seeing Jennette discover romance and sex for the first time was a little awkward purely because Jennette doesn’t have the most basic understanding of adult relationships because her mother deliberately keep the information from her.
By the time Jennette gets into her first proper relationship with an older man, she tries her hardest to keep it from her mother because she fears her mother’s reaction and disappointment. However, the way her mother reacts when it eventually gets out was absolutely disgusting and it really highlights her mother’s own issues with relationships and body image. This ends up driving a wedge between Jennette and her mother and this isn’t removed until Jennette learns her mother’s cancer has returned. Jennette’s mother uses her cancer coming back as a way to demonise Jennette further and to emotionally blackmail her into doing what she wants, even going as far as moving into Jennette’s first apartment so they aren’t apart from each other but she uses it to keep an eye on Jennette and what she is doing.
By the time her mother’s health begins to decline rapidly, Jennette is struggling to sort through her emotions and she doesn’t get the chance to until her mother dies. Afterwards, Jennette spirals out of control and it isn’t until she meets her true love in Stephen that she decides to do something about it. It isn’t by choice, however, since Stephen won’t be with her while she is living with an eating disorder which sends her into therapy which she desperately needs. Therapy is a real challenge for Jennette especially when it comes to her mother and it does lead to Jennette quitting therapy. Her relationship with Stephen also changes around this time as she learns he has schizophrenia which explains his strange behaviour of late and she tries to help him which only leads to toxic co-dependency.
Jennette does make some great strides in her therapy and realises that her relationship with Stephen is damaging to her recovery and decides to end things with him, allowing her to take control of her life in ways she has never been able to before. Moving into the present she understands that she isn’t completely recovered and it will probably take many more years before she is there but it has given her clarity. She does end up leaving acting which is something she has wanted for years and starts writing again which is the road she always wanted to go down but was prevented by her mother. She finally has the life she wanted and the tools to emotionally cope with the things life throws at her. Honestly, Jennette’s life was an emotional devastating rollercoaster that made me want to cry, scream and laugh all at the same time.
Overall, if you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, anxiety, depression or substance abuse then I feel you will definitely connect with Jennette’s story the same way I did. I understand now why this book was everywhere when it was released especially for people my age who watched iCarly growing up but it was so much more than that.
Buy it here:
Paperback/Hardcover: amazon.co.uk amazon.com
Kindle Edition: amazon.co.uk amazon.com
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